Oh The Love

I asked GMAC "why do have to always touch him (Z), squeeze him and hug him?"

GMAC " I am just so fond of him."

Special Day

Our Family with Fr. Tarcy in front of Mary's House, February 2001

Our best Air Force tour ever was when we lived in Turkey. We traveled,meet amazing people, made lifelong friends,grew in our faith, and Mystical Rose was born there.
We meet an incredible servant of God when we traveled to Mary's house in Ephesus. His name was Fr. Tarcy Mathias, and the first time I talked to him I felt I was in the presence of a Saint. His joy for our Lord and Mother Mary was contagious. The life he was leading was one of pure sacrifice. We had the opportunity to meet him twice, and we kept in touch for the past ten years. He was one of the first people I called to ask for prayers when Mystical Rose was diagnosed with cancer.
Back in January of this year we received the card below, with a note that Fr. Tarcy is no longer with us. I got the chills, when I read the date of his death, September 14, 2010. The 1st anniversary of his death would be my due date with baby #5. Within a few days we found out I miscarried, so we decided to name the baby Tarcy. I pray I live to see the day Fr. Tarcy is canonized.

I did a Google search for his name and it turns out there is a website dedicated to his life, and many articles about him.

-Mallu

Our Little Baby

I want to share with you about an incredible experience. In the middle of January we found out we were expecting baby number five, and we were all very excited. Shortly after, I got an email about an Ignation retreat for women. I felt a real desire to go but was hesitant because I had never left GMAC overnight. Since I was pregnant I knew that unless I went now, I wouldn’t go on a retreat for at least 3-4 years. I tent to get really attached to our babies.

Fast-forward a few weeks we find out through an ultrasound the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. The baby should have been 8 ½ weeks but measured at 5 ½ weeks. It was not a total shock, as this was my fifth pregnancy and I tend to know my body pretty well. I just didn’t have any of the symptoms I usually had when I was pregnant. I was really tired at first, but a few weeks before I had stopped being so exhausted. Although it wasn’t a shock, the sorrow was still deep. It was bittersweet; this child was a gift from God, His child for us to bring up. My mom always said as a parent your job is to get your children to heaven. I found peace in having an intercessor in heaven.

The thought of going on the retreat was on the back burner at this point. I didn’t want to have a D & C; I didn’t want to deal with an invasive procedure unless I really had to; I wanted things to happen naturally. I was told by the medical professionals that since I was so early in the pregnancy, it would be like having a heavy period. As I patiently…well impatiently waited for the miscarriage to take place the thoughts of going to the retreat re-merged. Crucian Dad was very supportive so I finally decided to go on the retreat the day before it started. At the same time symptoms of the miscarriage had begun, I was a bit nervous about going away during this time, but the retreat center was only 30 minutes away.

I had never seen the women at the retreat before, I casually knew a couple of the nuns serving on the retreat, and I also meet one of the priests. He is a priest from the Minor Seminary that “U” is at and he had been told by “U” about our pregnancy and miscarriage. We meet him a year ago but he didn’t recognize me. When I told him that I was U’s mom, he immediately hugged me and said, “I am so sorry about the baby. “ Saturday evening, I was resting on a sofa waiting for the next talk when Father saw me and asked if I was doing okay. I said that I was fine but a bit tired. He placed his hand on my head and gave me a quick blessing. I was very pleased to receive it and thought to myself that was nice of him.

When I got up the next morning, I received a “gift”, the baby’s body came out intact, within the yolk sack, not as just shredded tissue. I was overjoyed yet so overwhelmed. It was 6:30 in the morning; I am at a silent retreat, among strangers. I placed the baby’s body in a Ziploc bag that I had in my purse. I didn’t know what else to do; I couldn’t bear the thought of flushing our baby down the toilet. I went to the Chapel, prayed for a couple of minutes. I was so overwhelmed; I walked out and wailed for some time, it was tears of sorrow and joy. I wasn’t sure what to do; I thought of asking Father if he would bless the baby’s body and maybe I would dig a hole somewhere…. Not sure of what to do, I asked God to figure it out for me. About an hour later I see Father outside the Chapel so I went to speak with him. He asked me “Did you sleep well?” I said “as well as could be expected.” Then he asked “Did anything exciting happen?” as if he knew. I told him what happened, he said he would bless the baby and we would bury the baby, and we were on holy grounds. I was so happy, God had it all planned.

Father made all the arrangements, the Lady who ran the retreat center (Dianne) found an amazing spot for the baby. During a period of rest Father came and got me and asked if one of the sisters and Dianne could join us. I was fine with that. Dianne picked the most amazing spot, in front of a huge statue of St. Mary with her arms open wide in front of a little lake. Father blessed the body with holy water, prayed, read from the Gospel. I was able to place the baby’s body into the ground. Dianne had a rose plant ready to be planted on top, so we would have it as a marker. Although it would have been wonderful to share this with the family, it might have been too much for GMAC. I was able to mourn in peace, and experience the joy of God’s love. What a blessing, what perfect timing, He had a plan, I just had to trust.

We want to thank all the family and friends for your prayers. The graces from the prayers is what is getting us through this so peacefully. Thank you for all the support and kindness you have shown to us.

*I just want to mention that I am not against having a D & C; this is just what I personally felt called to do

Up Lifting Chat

I have a cousin, (my mom's cousin) in the Missionaries of Charity, I am able to talk with her every first Sunday. I really look forward to to our chats, she is such a joy filled and uplifting person. Her love for Christ is radiating and contagious. Today we were talking about the Litany of Humility and she told me they pray it every Tuesday. I pray it off and on, we are adding it to our before-school prayers. It 's beautiful to meditate on each line.

Litany of Humility

Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930),
Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

* from EWTN
-Mallu