10 years !

Remembering and Praying

Our Little Baby

I want to share with you about an incredible experience. In the middle of January we found out we were expecting baby number five, and we were all very excited. Shortly after, I got an email about an Ignation retreat for women. I felt a real desire to go but was hesitant because I had never left GMAC overnight. Since I was pregnant I knew that unless I went now, I wouldn’t go on a retreat for at least 3-4 years. I tent to get really attached to our babies.

Fast-forward a few weeks we find out through an ultrasound the baby didn’t have a heartbeat. The baby should have been 8 ½ weeks but measured at 5 ½ weeks. It was not a total shock, as this was my fifth pregnancy and I tend to know my body pretty well. I just didn’t have any of the symptoms I usually had when I was pregnant. I was really tired at first, but a few weeks before I had stopped being so exhausted. Although it wasn’t a shock, the sorrow was still deep. It was bittersweet; this child was a gift from God, His child for us to bring up. My mom always said as a parent your job is to get your children to heaven. I found peace in having an intercessor in heaven.

The thought of going on the retreat was on the back burner at this point. I didn’t want to have a D & C; I didn’t want to deal with an invasive procedure unless I really had to; I wanted things to happen naturally. I was told by the medical professionals that since I was so early in the pregnancy, it would be like having a heavy period. As I patiently…well impatiently waited for the miscarriage to take place the thoughts of going to the retreat re-merged. Crucian Dad was very supportive so I finally decided to go on the retreat the day before it started. At the same time symptoms of the miscarriage had begun, I was a bit nervous about going away during this time, but the retreat center was only 30 minutes away.

I had never seen the women at the retreat before, I casually knew a couple of the nuns serving on the retreat, and I also meet one of the priests. He is a priest from the Minor Seminary that “U” is at and he had been told by “U” about our pregnancy and miscarriage. We meet him a year ago but he didn’t recognize me. When I told him that I was U’s mom, he immediately hugged me and said, “I am so sorry about the baby. “ Saturday evening, I was resting on a sofa waiting for the next talk when Father saw me and asked if I was doing okay. I said that I was fine but a bit tired. He placed his hand on my head and gave me a quick blessing. I was very pleased to receive it and thought to myself that was nice of him.

When I got up the next morning, I received a “gift”, the baby’s body came out intact, within the yolk sack, not as just shredded tissue. I was overjoyed yet so overwhelmed. It was 6:30 in the morning; I am at a silent retreat, among strangers. I placed the baby’s body in a Ziploc bag that I had in my purse. I didn’t know what else to do; I couldn’t bear the thought of flushing our baby down the toilet. I went to the Chapel, prayed for a couple of minutes. I was so overwhelmed; I walked out and wailed for some time, it was tears of sorrow and joy. I wasn’t sure what to do; I thought of asking Father if he would bless the baby’s body and maybe I would dig a hole somewhere…. Not sure of what to do, I asked God to figure it out for me. About an hour later I see Father outside the Chapel so I went to speak with him. He asked me “Did you sleep well?” I said “as well as could be expected.” Then he asked “Did anything exciting happen?” as if he knew. I told him what happened, he said he would bless the baby and we would bury the baby, and we were on holy grounds. I was so happy, God had it all planned.

Father made all the arrangements, the Lady who ran the retreat center (Dianne) found an amazing spot for the baby. During a period of rest Father came and got me and asked if one of the sisters and Dianne could join us. I was fine with that. Dianne picked the most amazing spot, in front of a huge statue of St. Mary with her arms open wide in front of a little lake. Father blessed the body with holy water, prayed, read from the Gospel. I was able to place the baby’s body into the ground. Dianne had a rose plant ready to be planted on top, so we would have it as a marker. Although it would have been wonderful to share this with the family, it might have been too much for GMAC. I was able to mourn in peace, and experience the joy of God’s love. What a blessing, what perfect timing, He had a plan, I just had to trust.

We want to thank all the family and friends for your prayers. The graces from the prayers is what is getting us through this so peacefully. Thank you for all the support and kindness you have shown to us.

*I just want to mention that I am not against having a D & C; this is just what I personally felt called to do

Today is a sad day.....

Today marks the 38th Anniversary of Roe v Wade...very very sad

"The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion because if a mother can kill her own child, what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between."
--Mother Theresa

Peace

We are all missing U, but last night that feeling felt a whole lot deeper. I miss his smile, his hugs, his caring nature, and his wit; I miss my little boy. It's only been a week and a half since we left him, the thought of having to wait until December to see him again makes the pain feel a little sharper. To give myself some comfort I decided to write a few words about the peace I felt when we dropped him off.

I felt very much at peace as we left him on August 15th, you see its a very special day for us. Two years ago last August 15, on the Feast of the Assumption of Mary U and I consecrated ourselves to Jesus through Mary. U was almost twelve, and he read a story about St. Louis de Montfort and asked us to read it. AFter reading the book U wanted to consecrate himself and simultaneously,I was thinking of doing this devotion myself. I decided to do the consecration with U. Completing our 33 days of prayer and mediation was extremely difficult since Rose had a major surgery and was hospitalized for nine days. All we did, during that time was drive an hour to the hospital early in the morning, stay at the hospital with Rose and drive back another hour late at night. All with a nursing 4 month old in tow. With God's grace we did complete this devotion, and finished the final consecration at the the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary, in Baltimore. We didn't' think we would make it to the Basilica on the 15 of August, since Rose had just come home from the hospital just a couple of days prior. She insisted we go and we did and it was a beautiful day, one of the mountain top moments.

Last year we were praying about buying our first house,we asked Our Lady for prayers. I promised her that if she would pray for us to find us a house before the Feast of the Assumption we would have a Mass offered at our house in her honor. Our Lady came through for us, we closed on the 10th ! We had the Mass at our home on August 15th, you can see the pictures from that day here.

Now a year later, we left U with on August 15th. He was suppose to fly out to the Minor Seminary on the 10th of August, but the Seminarians plans changed, and they were going camping on NY. So I asked if we can drive him up, and they were fine with that. They called us and asked if we wanted to join them on some pilgrimages and we did. We prayed with them, ate with them and just hung out. After the Mass of the Feast of the Assumption U and I reconsecrated our selves. I felt so much peace as we drove away, as if U is in the arms of Our Lady.
Lord help me remember the peace I felt as I miss my little boy.

Maya pray for us

I write this with a very heavy heart, my cousin's little baby who was bone five days ago passed away this morning. The doctors had said Maya had a 75% chance to make it, she was born at 25 weeks, just at a one pound.
As parents who were told our baby (Rose) had a 80% chance of survival I was very optimistic. We as a family offered up many prayer, our daily rosary, daily Mass, Holy Hour, several little sacrifices, and prayers through out the day; yet she was called back to be with our Lord. This is not at all easy.

Our jobs as parents is to help our children get to heaven and be with God for eternity. They don't belong to us; He has entrusted them to us for a brief moment on this earth. So we should be happy when our children can go to heaven, yet this not the feeling we experience. The pain one feels at the loss of a child must be indescribable. I can't even imagine the pain Maya's parent, grandparents, uncles and aunts are going through.

I pray they can unite their suffering with our Lord. I pray they find comfort in our Lady, who watched her Son as he was being crucified. I ask for prayers for Maya's parents, family and friends.
We love you, little angel; we will meet you in the Eucharist.

Maya pray for us.

-Mallu

Pray for Haiti

Please pray for everyone in Haiti. We have family there, they are safe, but their homes are completely destroyed! Thank you for your prayers.

Remembering 9/11

We will be offering our Mass and Rosary today for all the victims of 9/11, and their family and friends.

The pictures below are from our visit to the World Trade Center, back in 2007. It was a very emotional experience.

Eternal rest grant unto him

Today we buried a friend of ours.
We knew him and his wife through World Wide Marriage Encounter
Charles lived by the words "Love Never Fails" He suffered greatly with ALS for the last two years, but he never stopped smiling.
He died a beautiful Christian death, surrounded by family, right after mass was celebrated in his home.
We will miss him a great deal.

Eternal Rest

Today we celebrated Rebekah's short life. She was 6 1/2 yrs old, we had the privilege of knowing only after she was diagnosed with cancer. We meet her family through some good friends. To know her has been a blessing. She is a girl who made friends everywhere she went.
I visited her before her Make a Wish trip to Disney. I went over to pray over her with the Relic of Blessed Mother Theresa. It was a powerful experience, very profound. She asked me if I would come back with the rest of the family, and I told her I would after the trip.

Here is what Rebekah's dad wrote soon after her death.

Our beloved daughter and sister, Rebekah Anna, has been called home
by our Lord. She made her Make-A-Wish trip to Disney World and on
Monday met Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Belle. She also met three
pixies, Tinker Bell, Fawn, and Iridessa.
On Wednesday morning she was showing signs of distress and we went
to the hospital. The doctors and nurses did all they could to make her
comfortable. Bekah watched The Little Mermaid, Cinderella, and fell
asleep during Alice in Wonderland.
Rebekah died peacefully, in her sleep, at about 3:15 am on Thursday,
June 25th at the Arnold Palmer Hospital for Children in Orlando,
Florida.
Thank you to all for your help, support, prayers, and love. A special
thanks to those who were able to come and visit. Bekah loved to be
with people and to have company.
Bekah’s was (and still is) a spirit of sun and joy and beauty and play
and fun. To honour that spirit, we ask that people coming to the
viewing and funeral wear "happy" colors, and help make this a
celebration of her life. Bekah did not like to see other people sad.

I've been to many funerals, but today was especially difficult, something about a child funeral strikes a different chord. Please pray for Bekah's family.
-Mullu Mom